With love, all due respect and appreciation
to a great friend, her family and beloved ones.
In your honor, for him.
Peace, love, courage and resilience
There were fast and strong winds… you could look up at some fast lightnings in the sky. The blue colors were fading into a gray darker evening. We were outside the church, one of my best friends and I, we were there to show our support for this friend, a great person, and her family who are still going through a sad loss and hard sudden changes in their lives. We waited until we could spoke to her and share our affection and condolences. During that time, we talked about how it feels to lose someone who’s that close, & how those situations can be really complicated… even if you had time in advance or kind of –prepared– for that moment. It all still looks as an unknown maze to get through. We agreed on how any quote or phrase falls short with what it actually feels like. Sometimes, when you do know how or what to say, even then, it is… hard. Despite this, when you accomplish to be there, join that person, sharing that hug, it will change the meaning of your words. It will feel different.
When you try to pass by the endless days, and sleepless nights that are only bringing more tears… support, strength, staying close to people surrounding us, and faith will always be necessary. Our backgrounds, the “day-to-day”… everything parts from the human interaction and its traditions. Naturally, every object, any scent, even words will bring back the sadness and remove those sensitive fibers inside us, when we again realize the absence of that person that we hopelessly miss. However, that’s when we reach our good memories too. In my case, I always remember a phrase I’ve been listening to, my whole life… and it’s something my mother still repeats today. As my grandpa Juan used to say: –“Remember me with a smile, when you think of me, think in my jokes, in my stories […] be happy, live everything, even when I’m no longer here”.
Life is unbelievably so ephemeral, so fast, that we often forget how true that is. We tend to forget how vulnerable we are, in just a matter of seconds. Unfortunately, we do not count on a perfect script to assure us how it’ll happen or when are we leaving this world, or about our last breath. We won’t know what’ll happen with our friends, our family, our beloved ones, how anything stayed, was it in order, or unfinished, or what if I had to say something important and couldn’t…
One day you’re here, with this earthly life, mundane, so visible, so immerse in the routine, in your daily practice, assuming you’ll have tomorrow to check on that pending matter you’ve been ignoring… And that seems normal, right?, so simple…living life as it is, as it comes, enjoying today…just like that… Because that’s us, or any human being. That’s everyone’s essence, to deal with the ordinary. Definitely, this is all about… living, but also doing it conscious and awake, taking advantage of it, doing the best we can with this borrowed time.
Just don’t take me wrong, because I’m not going to write about being fearful all the time or trying to live focusing on the worst case scenario. That’s in no way the purpose of this. What I want to share, is a positive reminder. We’re here for a reason, to cherish the good moments, the best company, to make mistakes here and there (or maybe more…) learning to overcome the obstacles, as you need or how you need to do it… constantly evolving and experimenting. We must live and be present in this chapter that we are allow to create, and use this opportunity to extend and increase our best memories.
A few days ago, a unique person who tells me the ugly truth but I know loves me with her soul… this very special person in my life told me and I quote: –“Not everything will happen as you planned, it will not be as you expected, not the people neither the events. It’s not how you want or when you decide it. You have to learn to live and accept, breathe and understand, keep going and try not to lose yourself. Remember this and try it every morning, it is not easy… but there’s a moment for everything. You are here, you’re okay and that’s how this is…”– and as much reluctant I am, or desperate, intense, obsessive, etc… etc… as exhausting as it seems to me, or as complex I feel it, and even if some of these words annoy me… she’s right.
And this paragraph above, this way of seeing life, sometimes is overwhelming. It can exceed our ideas, our plans, our feelings… and it will hurt, it’s like any other injury, it causes affliction, sadness, negativity or it’s demotivating… but it will also change us, and it will cause and bring other unknown sensations that will help us grow and get through. We’ve all experience this hard times in a way or another. By losing a family member, or through a friend or supporting someone through their grieving process. I understand that by living this first-hand is never the same. That’s why I’m expressing this thoughts and reflection from my own experiences and my perspective. However, always with empathy.
We must have faith in life, believe in ourselves, we have to listen to the people sharing this journey with us. Give a really strong and warm hug. Take one, or two, or whatever number of breaths we need. Change what is required, adapt ourselves or do what has to be done to honor those who are not standing in this land with us, but will stay on our hearts and thoughts… Because they will always be an eternal part of our memories… just like my grandpa Juan used to say; live, remember the good… remember me… and smile.